November 09, 2004
Welcome Back?
I’m pleased to note my opponent’s return to BeefStakes.
Well, sorta.
Pleased? Certainly. Return? Umm…. yeah. Opponent? Who the hell knows?
It’s entirely possible that Guy’s “withdrawal” from BeefStakes was the Mother of All Tricks. I may wake up on the morning of December 31 to his phone call announcing, surprise surprise, that he’s been munching away steadily since September. If this is so, and as I was so far behind at the last official reckoning, the sweet taste of victory will surely be scalded out of my mouth.
And yet I persist. I hold out all hope of prevailing at year’s end. Even if Guy has really, actually, truly bowed out, and if I top the beef scales, I will consider this a victory. His untimely cessation of consumption doesn’t change the plain fact that the RULES don’t contemplate forfeiture or withdrawal. The RULES are in fact quite simple. The one who has eaten the most beef in 2004 shall be declared the Beef King. So Max has declared.
And in my humble opinion, the declaration of our Judge holds true whether or not Guy still considers himself my “opponent”, and whether or not Guy will accept the legitimacy of my crown. Over 50 percent of the voting public (myself included) rejected George W. Bush's claim to the Presidency after the 2000 election, but the Supreme Court's ruling made it effectively so - whether or not we agreed with the outcome. I fail to see any difference here.
Nonetheless, victory against a surly non-combatant would almost fall short of a brave loss to an active, scheming, superior enemy. There would be honor in such defeat, and I hold out hope that Guy might yet take to the field of battle before the end of 2004. It promises to be knock-down, drag-out, and quite bloody. A clash of beef-gorged titans. The stuff of legends.
As I've awaited his return to the e-world, I've been dying to ask him one thing: knowing what he knows about the odds of victory, how can he possibly resist temptation to once again brandish fork and steak-knife? After all, the opportunity for greater glory is so ripe, so firm, so much within his carnivorous reach...
Come on Guy, what’s a few more morsels between friends?
