November 23, 2004
Game Face
I’m starting to get really confused about my friend Guy. Is he or isn’t he an active participant in the contest? Is he or isn't he my opponent? Is he or isn't he still in this thing? The evidence is mounting that he is. Allow me to explain.
This whole fishy (or I might say beefy) business started when Max requested, in the interests of closure, that Guy reveal his total meat consumption by year’s end. Guy’s response on November 12 reflects his ambiguous state of mind: “Is he [Max] accusing me, like my opponent does, of clandestinely consuming even as I have quit the competition? No. Max refers to the meat I ate, in competitive secrecy, between B-Day (the day Max unsealed the secret logs) and my withdrawal from the contest.” Yes, to the casual reader, this would appear to be a simple defensive response to the implications of Max’s request. But, upon closer inspection, one should notice Guy’s careful choice of words: while he claimed in one breath that he has quit the field of battle, he still referred to me as his opponent.
In a subsequent entry post-summit, on November 15, he made even bolder suggestions that the contest was still occurring despite maintaining, simultaneously, that his participation in the competition was history. Note his use of the terms “battle”, “combatants”, and “war” in the context of the evening’s festivities. And, lest our readers forget the images Guy chose to post after the summit, I should remind them that he had the gumption to pull a knife on me in my own home.
Now he tells me, as of yesterday, he’s going to continue logging the rest of the year, if for no other reason than to force my continued consumption of as much beef as possible. In emphasizing this putative motive, he draws an obscene parallel to our sushi self-torture fest so many years ago. And yet, while he continues to prod me for information about my beef weight, he assures me that he is not competing in BeefStakes. I am getting a headache pondering this apparent contradiction.
Perhaps more confusing than anything else is the intensity reflected in his gaze. This isn't imagined. I was there. I shook his hand. I looked into his eyes just a short week ago. And his look was unmistakeable. Indeed, although he has declared his regret in withdrawing from the BeefStakes fray, his expression remains that of a man obsessed with bovine flesh.
Honestly, does this look like a player who isn’t still in the game?
I am really starting to worry about you.
I at no point said that I was going to log meat throughout the rest of the year; I only said I was going to log the meal we ate together.
Perhaps I am still interested in bovine flesh; but my withdrawal was in no way spurred by a lack of enthusiasm for beef, rather, it was borne out of indignation at shoddy judging. Of course I still love beef, and I always will.
And the intensity you say you see in my eyes: when have you ever known me *not* to have that. Just looking at you, how could my eyes do less than sparkle with glee, especially in consideration of the fact that you're still bound into this game, struggling to compete against a phantom foe while I dine on sushi and other non-bovine delicacies?
As for pulling a knife on you in your own home: you did the same to me. In expressing indignation at being so attacked by a guest, how do you think the guest must feel being set upon by his host? Even the Taliban were more considerate of their guests, even at the cost of their own destruction.
And as for my alleged ongoing participation in the game: if you believeing this to be the case causes you to consume any further excessive quantities of meat, fine. Believe what you want to believe. I can make you eat meat even without eating any myself. Sweet.
But mostly: lighten up a little. Go shoot some deer or something, that might release some stress. Unless you can't manage to kill any, in which case, you can just go home and console yourself with meat that you killed in captivity. You craven carnivore. I think you should have given the little fellow more of a chance.
Posted by: guy at November 24, 2004 11:17 AM