The Cow And I

The Gluttons

Bismillah R'Rahman R'Raheem.

Guy has gone and done it. He's attempted to engage me in a debate about my morality in the context of Quranic verse. In fairness to the beautiful, inspiring passage above, I'm not going to ignore my opponent's challenge.

A portion of the verse to which he refers in his blog, loosely translated, prohibits the over-consumption of food and drink. I'm not a Quranic scholar, nor am I remotely fluent in Arabic, so I cannot even begin to authoritatively refute my opponent's charge. But I can say this: of the various translations of "L'Musrifeen", the one that comes up most often is the term "the gluttons". And a glutton, sir, I am not.

Yes, I've worried about this issue since the beginning of BeefStakes. There is every reason to avoid gluttony: a moderate, balanced diet is obviously healthy; it avoids the possibility of waste; there are plenty of people in the world who don't eat much at all, let alone organic cow meat; and it's just uncouth.

Oh yeah, plus it's a sin.

Some rather heavy issues, these. So yes, I've worried. Yes, I've thought about this Quranic verse. Yes, I've wondered whether I was crossing the line.

And, at this point in the contest I can safely, confidently assert that no, I am not behaving like a glutton. Meat has always been a component of my diet. I have always craved it. But I've rarely over-indulged in it.

Allow me to explain: I am a large person (6'1", with a somewhat muscular frame), and my protein requirements are probably larger than my opponent's. And yet, I don't over-eat meat, generally. I have incorporated beef into my diet in such a way that it is merely a part, and seldom the most massive part, of my meals. I've only infrequently caught myself eating large beef meals. When I think I'm crossing the line, I stop. I tend to eat beef in small quantities. A snack here, a light meal there. I rarely leave the table feeling full.

In fact, even if I wanted to engage in gluttony, I would find the prospect physically challenging. How so? Why don't you ask my opponent: Guy has himself referred on numerous occasions to my Nissen Fundoplication, a GERD-related surgery I had over 4 years ago, which has significantly reduced the capacity of my stomach. C'mon, do I really want to bust a gut over a contest?

That's right - if Guy wanted to stuff his face, like a hog at the trough, until a thick stream of half-digested meat-puke issued from his mouth, he could probably manage it with little difficulty. The same amount of slop would probably put me in the hospital.

Finally, then, are we "the gluttons", my opponent and I? Unfortunately, we have no convenient point of reference aside from each other. Let's examine the facts, shall we? According to my review of his official log, Guy has consumed over 107 percent of his body weight in beef thus far. On the other hand, according to my official log, I have consumed only 87 percent of my body weight in beef. My opponent can say what he wants, but if you think about it, 165 lbs of beef spread out over a period of 244 days is, well, about 10 ounces of meat per day.

Put another way: a small- to medium-sized steak every 24 hours. Burp.

May God have mercy on my wicked soul.

Posted by eric at September 2, 2004 11:57 PM