September 16, 2004
1000 Bottles of Beef on the Wall
I got a cell phone voicemail message a couple of days ago from my opponent while he lounged in the Judge's Chambers with Max. His message, cloaked in humor, conveyed a subtle sinister subtext: the sadistic pleasure he derives in reminding me of my current meat deficit. Needless to say, I was not amused.
Guy: I was just calling up to try and bother you, but you're not around so I'm going to try and bother you remotely by answering machine message. [clears throat] Hey Max, do you think Eric has the capability to skip to the end of the message and delete it or does he have to listen to the whole thing?
Max (in background): Probably he doesn't know how.
Guy: Yeah, he probably doesn't know how to get to the end of the whole thing. Wow. Max you know the thing's on. Max wanna sing a song? We can sing "row your boat" for Eric.
Max (in background, singing): One thousand bottles of beer on the wall.
Guy (singing): One thousand bottles bottles of beef on the wall. One thousand bottles of beef. Take one down, make it into a nice hamburger. Nine hundred ninety nine nine ninety nine ninety nine nine ninety nine thousand bottles of beef on the wall.
Guy: Yeah, maybe he figured out how to get to the end of the messageby now. Heh heh. Now he's just trying to ask somebody. Heh heh heh heh. [Hangs up]
Well, Guy, I did know how to skip to the end, jump back to the beginning, and even digitally transcribe the message through voice recognition technology. Thanks for asking.
Oh, and I've never eaten one thousand bottles of beef on the wall, but I have eaten some Poppy's steak burritos. Several of them. And I'm fully prepared to consume several more - however many more it takes to see you begging for mercy under the heel of my regal boot.
In fact, even if it takes nine hundred ninety nine nine ninety nine ninety nine nine ninety nine thousand of those suckers.
You think I'm kidding?
Posted by eric at September 16, 2004 02:39 PM