The Cow And I

Dress You Down

So Guy, I hear you were thinking of having a suit tailored, something that would better fit your personal style and creativity than anything you might be able to buy off the peg at an outlet barn which is, you're sure, where I get my suits.

You're so right. And I'm so ashamed. I'm ashamed first because I buy my suits off the peg at an outlet barn. I'm doubly ashamed because I didn't send you anything for your birthday, after all the wonderful gifts you've given me all year long. Sir, in your extravagence, you humble me.

So I decided to do something extravagent myself for a change, and rustle up something truly precious for all of those equally precious moments you've given me over the years. I decided to special-order the suit you were looking for. With this lofty goal in mind, I went to a tailor and I asked him if he could design the double-breasted meat jacket to your specifications. I was so excited to finally make a difference in your life.

But I have to apologize once more. I can't ever seem to get it right. You see, this tailor is so damn expensive that, try as I might, I couldn't negotiate him down to a reasonable price for the tailor-made suit you'd hoped for. I failed you, it seemed, yet again.

So, in the end, I did what I always do - I hit the discount clothiers, the outlet malls, the second-hand clothing stores and consignment shops. I WOULD find you a bargain-basement quality suit if I busted a gut trying.

And wouldn't you know it, right there hanging on the rack in one of my favorite moth-ball-smelling rag shops, there were THREE decent suits for the price of one. What a relief. So you get a little extra to wear (pret a manger) and, after enduring such anxiety, I still got to save some of what little money remains after all the beef I've bought this year.

Happy belated birthday.

Posted by eric at July 16, 2004 01:23 AM