June 28, 2004
PYRRHIC VICTORY
Mutually Assured Destruction.
It's a concept that keeps each of us from blabbing the whole thing to his opponent's parents and siblings (aside from Jenny, who already knows) and relatives for advantage. If I sneak intel to Mom and Claude, should I not expect the same to be delivered under cover of darkness to Jane and Marion, worse yet like a flaming bag of poop placed on their doorstep? What advantage, then, would that yield? I can't think of a single reason to risk it.
And yet, when I attempt to imagine my opponent's state of mind, I'm not so sure anymore. This troubles me deeply:
(a) Jenny has implored him, quite recently, to capitulate. He deeply respects his sister and, I imagine, is influenced by her to no small degree.
(b) Further, I sense that he feels overwhelmed by my carnivorous superiority in this contest, not unlike our mismatched sushi duel all those years ago, and is looking for a way out. In the sushi duel, he cut a deal to end the contest, knowing that I would take it all the way to the emergency room if necessary. In BeefStakes, he knows that I will march forward until year's end. Pound after pound, kilo after kilo, stone after stone of beef will serve only as a brief marker of my progress. He cannot sustain this pace, and will seek to stop it altogether.
(c) He could not bring himself to unilaterally withdraw. In that event, Max would declare me the victor (with a 4 kilo lead, no less) and I would reign over my opponent for an entire year. And there's only so much genuflection, boot licking and general obsequiousness that he could possibly take.
(d) He knows that he cannot possibly sustain a sizable consumption pattern during the weeks he visits with Mom and Dad. They're not dummies. And, given his family history of heart disease, they're without a doubt likely to catch on sooner or later if he makes even an half-hearted attempt.
(e) As he dreads his impending bloodwork results, he is reminded of my recent clean bill of health. In fact, he could only react in horror upon learning that my cholesterol results are even better than last year, as I've over-compensated by exercising and supplementing my diet with more fiber and omega-three fatty acids.
(f) Thus, his only successful escape would be a brief period of binging (just enough to take what he estimates might be the lead, now that Max has drawn the curtain over our respective weight) followed by a tell-all to my parents. This would result in an immediate counter-strike but not before, he assumes, I would cut short my own campaign. And victory would be his.
I hope that my opponent hasn't come to this conclusion. I pray that he doesn't. Because if he does, then all that will remain is a puff of acrid smoke, and a fiery column of ash rising above the clouds.
