May 20, 2004
Spoon Fed
A spoon is comfortable. It's the first utensil placed in most of our mouths after birth. In many cases, it's the last utensil we suck between our wizened, puckered lips near death. Billions of people use spoons. It's used in so many ways, some good and some bad, from pouring honey, to making music, to domestic abuse. They even named a cuddling position after it. But did you also know the common spoon is awfully handy in polishing off a Poppy's steak burrito?
Ah, the Poppy's steak burrito. You've probably heard about them from me by now. Here's an example of one:
There's nothing terribly provocative about the photo, I have to admit. But if you look closely, you'll notice a small white plastic disposable spoon in the background. This spoon reveals a great deal about the experience of consuming a Poppy's burrito, perhaps more so than the image of the burrito itself. One might see a little meat peeking out from underneath its floury sheath. But could you guess what's waiting inside? Just ask the spoon.
You see, the experience of eating a Poppy's burrito is a lot like trying to follow my opponent's frenetically rambling blogs, and not unlike trying to hold onto a fistful of sand. There's so much meat, little pieces of meat, that the stuff just spills out uncontrollably. The burrito, once chewed down an inch or two, literally vomits out gobs of grilled skirt steak onto the plate, onto the floor, onto one's paperwork if lunch is eaten at the office.
I wouldn't even think about picking it up with a fork.
Posted by eric at May 20, 2004 09:03 PMPoppy has obviously missed the point of the burrito: that it is supposed to be utensil-free. That's why they bother with the tortilla wrapping. Otherwise, the tostada would enjoy a much higher prominence in the hierarchy of Mexican cuisine than it currently holds.
I'm wondering if, to conceal this obvious lack of burrito-composing skill, Poppy has also laced your food with some psychotropic agent in an apparently successful attempt to blind you to his deficiencies. Do you feel tired a short while after eating one of these things?
Poppy's will put them to sleep....
Posted by: guy at May 24, 2004 08:27 PMYour slanderous attempts to discredit my culinary benefactor have fallen on deaf ears.
Yes, the typical burrito is indeed meant to be eaten utensil-free, but I have specifically requested mine DRY. Burrito fluid, in my opinion, doesn't always make the experience more pleasurable, either, particularly if it runs down my hand, to my arm, to my shirtsleeve.
Poppy doesn't dabble with controlled substances, as far as I'm aware. But I would bet that good beef, I mean REALLY good beef, has a psychotropic effect if one allows one's mind to relax. You ought to try it sometime, rather than obsessing about how much the bloody stuff weighs.
Posted by: Eric at May 24, 2004 11:14 PMAmerican beef, I mean really AMERICAN beef, should have numerous psychotropic effects. It's the antibiotics and the terror.
Posted by: guy at May 27, 2004 12:00 AMYour beef, I mean really YOUR beef, would probably make me vomit. After all the places it's been (draped over your face, hanging from your mouth, protruding like a swollen hemhorroid from your rectum), I'll stick with the American stuff, terror and all.
Posted by: Eric at May 27, 2004 09:27 PM