It’s been over a month and a half since I first mentioned my weapons program to my opponent.
I offered to share hints about the nature of the weapon provided that my opponent publicly speculate about its nature. For a while, not a peep from him. Now, all of a sudden, I hear from Guy, like a frantic rapping at my door in the midst of a terrifying thunderstorm, his knuckles white with panic. Yes, I’m behind in BeefStakes. I’ve been behind since Day 1. And yet, despite this, I have an over-abundance of confidence in my victory. How could these two facts possibly be reconciled? My opponent continues to ponder this question with ever-growing dread. There must be something to it, after all.
And there is. Really. But no hints, sorry. My opponent has not offered any guesses, only hand-wringing and panic-stricken attempts at character-assassination.
I’ll be sure to go over the details of my weapons program with Max while I spend a weekend with him, Andreia, Ed, Christine and the kids in DC, as we dine on steak and burger and roast. Hell, I’ll tell all of them about it. We’ll have some laughs. Max will offer some thoughtful praise. and the planning will continue.
But will I divulge even the tiniest detail to Guy? I promised I would do so, but only if he coughed up at least a half-hearted guess or two. I haven’t heard Word 1, however.
I’m waiting.
Posted by eric at April 22, 2004 12:34 AMOK then.
You are in the process of assembling a top-secret laboratory full of arcane and dangerous biotechnical equipment. Your aim is to engage in federally prohibited cloning research with bovine stem cells gleaned for too-young veal cutlets, in an attempt to insert critical bovine genetic traits into your own existing DNA. Your goal: to produce, from every mucous membrane in your body, bovine secretions in place of your own formerly human effluviates. Including bovine saliva. You are hoping that out of respect for the pure pursuit of science, max will allow this saliva to count as beef product, so that every time you swallow or even drool, you can log it as consumed meat.
However, as you say, you have run into some logistical difficulty. This, I suspect, lies in the unforseen eventuality that as you become more bovine yourself, your taste for your brother-cows' flesh has declined. In fact, I bet that nowadays you have to positively choke the stuff back. And no saliva in sight. Except, of course, when you mow the lawn. but grass doesn't count as beef, now does it?
And it's positively verdant over here on my side of the fence.
Posted by: Guy at April 22, 2004 08:12 AMThe loss of 2 upset NAK GRIOJ.
Posted by: Eric at April 23, 2004 10:42 AM