The Cow And I

Thank You Easter Bunny

Easter weekend is filled with all kinds of yummy surprises for the little Christian kids running around all over America. I am not one of them, but all sorts of surprises were in store for me, as well.

It all started when I sat down Saturday afternoon for an early dinner in anticipation of a beef-less party later in the evening. I chomped through this lip-smacking buttery-fat ribeye, knowing full well that our dinner hosts would serve us something unfulfilling, like quiche or salad.

Instead, what awaited me as I entered our hosts' aromatic apartment was an Old Testament Horn of Plenty. My first Sader in a few years, and I realized how much I missed the tradition. Well, the aspect I particularly missed was the beef brisket. The steaming platter of meat, in this case, was a whopping 24-pounder. Trying not to overly act the glutton at this sacred event, I was still able to sneak about 9 oz of brisket throughout the evening. I didn't realize Samina had the camera that night and, although she didn't shoot the meat, this picture was somewhat representative of my eyesight as I swelled, bloated with a day's full count of almost 29 ounces of beef, with virtually all of the blood drained from my visual organs to my over-worked stomach.

An even bigger surprise awaited me on Easter Sunday. WHile borrowing a garden rake from my father-in-law, I felt a pang of hunger and asked him whether he had brought any of those lamb rolls from the sweet old Punjabi lady after Friday prayer. His response took me aback: "You know, I asked her what kind of meat was in them and she said beef." This statement was a surprising, yet entirely welcome reversal of his previous assertion to the contrary. Allahu Akbar (God is the Greatest)! Recalculating the two previously deleted roll entries, and the 2 new ones consumed today, my total Punjabi beef roll meat consumption stands at 14 oz (3.5 oz per roll).

So, where was the Easter Bunny through all of these proceedings?

Indeed, while I felt the combined blessings of Judaism and Islam all in one meat-filled weekend, where was the bounty of the Christian re-birth? Perhaps it was too busy plying the little kids with sugar and chocolate to concern itself with BeefStakes.

Or perhaps the Easter Bunny was there the whole time, pulling the strings of destiny, without me even knowing it. There were no tell-tale pawprints, so it will remain a mystery.

But that's just as well. If I'd seen him, I probably would have eaten him. After all, according to Guy, he tastes just like beef.

Posted by eric at April 11, 2004 01:21 PM