March 10, 2004
Nice to Meat You Again
Upon checking the BeefStakes site today, I noticed that my opponent is back on the information superhighway. Steaks, meat pies, some kind of dried material, he's had it all. Very well done, I have to say. But now that I have his attention, here's something else for him to chew on:
(1) Kangaroo, I don't care how it tastes, is not beef. Same thing for dingo. I would be willing to agree to an exception for human flesh, were Max to allow it, but it would have to be meticulously documented.
(2) Beef consumed by a celebrity, even a Grammy Award-Nominated celebrity, should not be counted toward my opponent's consumption, unless of course he is that celebrity. (NOTE: If, the fawning fan that he is, my opponent chooses to lap up a celebrity's vomited, half-digested beef meal, only the undigested portion would be counted - it's only fair, since he has obtained a similar ruling that water isn't beef)
(3) The development of my secret weapon is now in its third week, and is proceeding on schedule.
(4) Unless my math skills have unacceptably atrophied, I do believe I'm catching up.
I ate the pie. You see, I'm the man behind the man. I use celebrities for picture frames, not surrogate beef-enjoyers.
Posted by: Guy at March 12, 2004 06:43 AMYou better pray you didn't log that smiley face as containing any sort of beef.
Posted by: Guy at March 12, 2004 07:31 AMIf I know you have a secret weapon, how secret is it, really?
Posted by: Guy at March 12, 2004 07:31 AMI reiterate: if Kurt vomits up the beef, and you lick it off the floor, you can only count the portion that's undigested. That's only fair.
I can prove that smiley faces contain beef. I didn't log it in as such, to avoid the argument. However, if pressed, I am prepared to respond.
Regarding my secret weapon, as Donald Rumsfeld has famously said: "There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know." My secret weapon, as far as you're concerned, falls into the known unknown category. And, while you can attempt to plan around it, or take it into account, you still have no idea what the impact crater is going to look like when I drop the bomb on you.
Posted by: Eric at March 12, 2004 11:50 AM