February 25, 2004
Tower of Power
A mighty house is built one brick at a time. This simple adage should serve as a warning to my opponent. In an apparent fit of panic, he has begun to feverishly, indeed recklessly consume beef in unsafe quantities (on one recent occasion, I recall a reputed figure of 22 ounces) in the hope that when his inevitable malaise sets in, he'll be so far ahead of me that he can sit back, relax, and enjoy the sun as it sets on our marathon contest. His approach couldn't be more wrong.
What's my strategy? One brick at a time. How will I prevail? One brick at a time. Allow me to illustrate: two contractors build two houses side by side. On the left, the house is finished in two grueling, unbelievable weeks. Oh sure, corners were cut, mistakes were made, but it looks sturdy enough. On the right, the house takes six long months. At the end of the job, a master tradesman gazes with pride at the meticulous work he has poured into his project, his baby. A year later, the house on the right is home to a happy family. They barbecue and throw horseshoes out in the lawn. The house on the left, not surprisingly, has collapsed under its own unsupported weight. What's the difference? The house left standing was built, deliberately, carefully, one brick at a time.
This sandwich admittedly delivers only a modest portion of beef (4.5 oz, 364.15 total). Nonetheless, it represents one small brick in a slow, steady, yet eventually gigantic fortress. Meanwhile, my opponent hastily slaps on gallons of mud to the roof of his straw hut that he knows will not last. He'll remember my warning, but far too late, when the rains come.
Posted by eric at February 25, 2004 12:50 PMI first of all take issue with your claims as to my recklessness. What is this slander? At what point have I claimed to have consumed at a single go 22 oz of beef? Seems to me that was 3 meals, not a single sitting. Really, if you're gonna make such claims, you have to be able to back them up.
And I also take umbrage at your fallacious metaphor. So try this one on for size: a mighty house may be built one brick at a time, but a common fortress is put together one huge limestone block atop another. And when the visigoths come (huffing and puffing), you'll wish you'd built your house inside my fortified walls.
Posted by: Guy at February 25, 2004 09:06 PMWhen I recalled your consumption of 22 ounces "on one occasion", I meant "in a single day." That, in my opinion, is way too much meat to be safe. And yet, I shouldn't be surprised at any stunt you pull in BeefStakes, as you have been reputed to slurp up a whole package of raw hamburger.
But a stunt is a stunt. It always ends, usually quickly, and often badly.
Posted by: Eric at February 25, 2004 10:12 PMI, as you put it, "have been reputed to slurp up a whole package of raw hamburger"? You say that as though it were a single incident. I've taken my beef raw on many an occasion. It's my favorite method of cooking. From a quick gaze-through of my log, I found 2.542 kilos of raw meat, not including bresaola, which is raw but cured. In fact, it makes me hungry just looking at the pics, and I just cannot wait to get to Australia, where I'll feel better about eating raw meat again.
Eric, you seemed chagrinned that my travelling lifestyle allows me to eat so much meat. You don't realize the advantage you have gotten by my not having been in the UK all this while. You'd have capitulated by now for sure.
Posted by: Guy at February 26, 2004 12:03 AMSpeaking of bresaola, are you going to be in London at all this year? I'd love to get a care package from you containing some of that. I've never had it. I've never had a lot of the stuff you're eating. In fact, tonight, after making some art (which you'll see tomorrow, when I get the pic uploaded), I slathered my round steak in spicy peanut sauce out of a bottle, imagining I was sitting with you, playing "odds or evens" with your leg hair. We were having a pretty good time. At least I was.
Speaking of capitulation, by now you should realize I won't give up on the whole care package idea, so you, my friend, may want reevaluate your objections to sending me a little something.
And I don't think US Customs are going to check whether an overseas package contains beef. They can't even find a booger on the end of their finger.
Posted by: Eric at February 26, 2004 11:55 PMWell, you know, I'm certain you can find bresaola in the states. It's a very common cured italian meat, like prociutto. Take a stroll down Morgan Street, you'll find it no doubt.
When I get to australia I'll ship you a care package of dingo-flavored beef jerky, OK?
Posted by: Guy at February 27, 2004 12:08 AMI'll look down in Little Italy for this bresaola of yours.
Whatever you do, don't let the dingo steal your baby. It's very common there.
Posted by: Eric at February 27, 2004 12:17 AM